


You're Not Dee

by alissabobissa



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Drunk Billy is drunk, Gen, Kara is the worst babysitter, season one BSG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alissabobissa/pseuds/alissabobissa
Summary: “Oh, heeeeey, Thrace. Lt. Thra – Starbuck,” he mumbled. Well, frak. She knew that stutter and that grin, and boy did she know that smell. Gods, the smell.“Have you been drinking?”He tilted his head and squinted at her. “You’re not Dee.”





	You're Not Dee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spink75](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spink75/gifts).

> Written in 2008 for spinkkitty from the prompt: Billy, drunk, ugly shirt. Set sometime in season one. It started off being a drabble but morphed into a ficlet 'cause drunk Billy and his babysitter are fun. :D

She woke in the middle of the night to the sound of rustling. Someone was standing outside of her rack yanking on the curtains. Before she could pull them open and proceed to tear into whoever thought it would be fun to mess with her (biggest nugget mistake), she heard a thud and a muffled “ow” from a voice she thought she recognized.  
  
“Billy?” Kara whisper-spoke after opening the curtains. He was rubbing his knee and didn’t seem to hear her. “Billy!”   
  
“Oh, heeeeey, Thrace. Lt. Thra – Starbuck,” he mumbled. Well, frak. She knew that stutter and that grin, and boy did she know that smell. Gods, the smell.  
  
“Have you been drinking?”   
  
He tilted his head and squinted at her. “You’re not Dee.”  
  
“You’re damn straight I’m not Dee.” Billy was losing focus and headed for the bunk beside Kara’s. “She’s not in here, dumbass. This is the senior officers quarters.” She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him towards the hatch. She had been on an eight hour CAP that day and she was tired. Tired did nothing for her mood, and drunk frakwit kids who wake her up when she’s trying to sleep made her want to punch things.  
  
“Do you know how to get to your room?” She had no idea why she even asked. She wasn’t responsible for him and the less she knew about exactly how drunk he was the easier it would be for her to sleep.  
  
“Hey, you’re a pilot. Like a bird. Birrrrrrd.”  
  
“Godsdammit.” She put his arm around her shoulder and led him into the corridor. “Hey genius,” she said smacking his face. “Which way?” He just stared at her. _“Where do you live?”_ she asked him slowly, over pronouncing each word.  
  
“Colonial One. Wif Laura.”  
  
“Oh, frak me.” Colonial One. Right. How the hell was he supposed to get back to Colonial One right now? She looked at the clock on the wall and started off to the left.  
  
“Boomer is on duty. I’ll just dump you in the hangar bay and let her fly your sorry ass to wherever the next run is going.”   
  
^^^^^  
  
Two minutes later they were walking side by side, Kara in her tanks and sweats supporting the much taller young man in his rumpled suit, down the passageways of metal, Kara mumbling a “frak” here and there under her breath. They were almost halfway to the hangar bay, but Kara just knew she’d kill the kid before they got there. He was giggling incessantly and trying to use her boob as a handle.  
  
“Whoa there, Billy boy. If you’d like to keep that hand, stick to this shoulder region up here, ‘kay?”  
  
“Dee is priddy,” he slurred while grinning toothily down at her.  
  
“Yeah. Really pretty. Does wonders with eye shadow.”  
  
“I like her hair.”  
  
“She’s a regular hair magician. Now, less talk, more walk.” Billy seemed to be obeying her right up until he abruptly steered them into the room on the right they should have been passing.   
  
“What the hell? Are we in the observation room?”  
  
“Shhh shhh shush. Just look.” And he pointed to the window framing hundreds of tiny, twinkling stars.   
  
She tilted her head and watched the stars behind the ships of the fleet for a moment. They really were beautiful if you stopped to look at them, making her feel small like they did when she was a kid.  
  
“Priddy.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Priddy,” he repeated, only this time he was looking at her. He closed his eyes, parted his lips, and began to lean in. She was still looking out the window when his lips hit her temple and the corner of her eye.  
  
^^^^^  
  
They walked out of the room one minute later, and Billy was minus one human crutch and plus one bloody nose. He seemed to be walking on his own steam now, and Kara thought for a minute that her large, person-shaped, grabby problem might just be off her hands, but only for a minute.   
  
Billy suddenly went limp and the need for Kara to be a two hundred pound man became urgent. “Frak me, frak me, FRAK ME!” she grunted trying to hold him up but buckling under his weight. They both nearly fell to the floor, but Billy straightened up enough to stop their tumble and mumble a word Kara couldn’t make out.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Baffroom.”   
  
“Teacher’s Aid? Hey!” Kara smacked his cheek. “You look kinda green. Are you gonna hurl?”  
  
“Uh huh,” he said nodding.  
  
“Godsdammit.”  
  
^^^^^  
  
Five minutes later, Billy, wiping his mouth with the coat he had balled up in his arms, followed a grinning Kara out of the head. He looked down at his wet, blood stained shirt and sighed. “Guess your shirt didn’t come out the other side of this unscathed. Not that you could do much to make that thing any uglier,” Kara said laughing. “Sucks the Cylons attacked the day you were wearing that godsawful thing.”   
  
He just frowned at her for a moment. “I have three of them. Three bad shirts.”  
  
“Boozy Billy and the Bad Shirts,” Kara said laughing. “You could go on a fleet-wide tour, sign autographs while showing off the three most hideous shirts left in existence.” They walked on and Kara continued to laugh every time she glanced over at him while he remained quiet.  
  
By the time they got to the hangar bay, Kara was fairly sure Billy had sworn off booze for at least this lifetime. She spotted Boomer quickly doing the pre-flight check on her raptor and led Billy over past a number of gawking knuckledraggers.  
  
“Hey Sharon! You got room for this kid on your next run?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m going to Colonial One anyway,” Sharon replied grinning as she took in his disheveled appearance. She motioned for Kara to walk around the Raptor and when they were out of earshot she said, “The president’s assistant? Are you nuts? He’s practically in diapers!”  
  
“I didn’t do anything! He showed up at my rack drunk and looking for Dee, and somehow I ended up babysitting his skinny ass.”  
  
“Uh huh.”  
  
“You are a sick woman.” Sharon laughed and they walked back around the Raptor.  
  
“Okay, it’s your lucky night, kid. You got a ride home.” Kara patted him roughly on the back and walked off with a smirk and not looking back.  
  
She was nearly out the door and on her way back to her warm bunk when she almost ran into Col. Tigh.  
  
“Colonel.”  
  
“Starbuck.” He stopped and turned back towards her. “What are you doing down here this time of night?”  
  
“Just getting the president’s drunk boy a ride home.”  
  
“Frakkin’ lightweight,” he muttered and turned to walk away. “I knew I shouldn’t have given him any of my good booze. Like pouring it down the drain.”


End file.
